Overcoming Funk (with a Mountain Top View)

I handed Grant my signed teacher contract this afternoon and told him I've spent the last few days overcoming funk. He smiled and said, "That should be the name of a rock band." Since I don't have plans for a rock band, I decided it worked for a blog entry.

Cause I'm overcoming funk.

I've had a story to tell but Sam's launch to Tech blurred with grandma's intensified battle against c-diff which ran right into a neuro-surgeon explaining the reasons why another back  surgery might work to my advantage. He meant well, but memories of post surgical pain sent me down under to the depths of funk.

Grandma's suffering. My leg needs help. And my home is quiet without my boys.

I won't overcome all the funk in one fell swoop. But today I'll remember how God touched me the weekend before the launch. Cause this moment meant a lot on the cusp of change...

We should have been in church. In fact, I'd entertained visions of all four of us lined in a pew, seated in God's house the day Nathan would leave after only two nights at home. But another option tugged at my heart. A memory yearned for a repeat.

And when a cool autumn breeze surprised me as I walked out the door dressed for an August Sunday service, I knew I couldn't sit still in church. So we turned around. Changed clothes. Packed a few things. And drove to Stone Mountain.

I had this crazy notion that I needed to sit high on top of that mountain before my boys headed off in different directions. We climbed the largest piece of exposed granite when they were young; even scaled the heights before dawn on an Easter morning one time. As we huddled in our matching train sweat shirts as the sun rose, I felt we could conquer anything - way back when - when my legs carried me step by step up the steep mountain side.

I couldn't climb the mountain two weeks ago. Couldn't even last outside very long in unusually cool summer heat.

So we rode the skyride and then made our way to my favorite edge and took in the clearest view I've ever seen from the top. Not only did we see a post card view of the Atlanta skyline, we saw a clear outline of the North Georgia Mountains. It was amazing.

Just to the right of this view, Kennesaw Mountain rose from the trees. The two cities seemed close from up high. In fact, everything seemed small and Lego like. I imagined God reaching his hand down and holding our car as we drove from one place to another, just like a child guides a toy car across the kitchen floor. No highways. Just trees, buildings, a few mountains, and a big blue sky that connected them all.

And I felt peace. Deep, abiding, peace.

Nathan drove on to Athens from the mountain and we headed home with only days before Sam left. As I drifted to sleep, it occurred to  me that had we walked to the back side of the mountain, we would have seen the city of Athens that day as well. From one vantage point, all three of our homes were visible and thus seemed closer together.

It probably won't always be this way. At some point there's a good chance all of our homes won't be visible from one mountain top. But they were a few weeks ago and it helped this mom let go.

I'll close with a favorite passage we used to recite in quiet and loud voices at bed time. It brought comfort then and is still a heart changer now. Cause He holds it all together. His view that is so different from ours. When we grasp just a glimpse of it; just a tiny sense of His perspective, the peace that only He can give becomes ours.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard?  Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded?  He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. 

 

'To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?' says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel,' My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God'? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40: 21 - 31) 

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Two Weeks of Living

Two weeks have passed since I last wrote, mostly because my 91 yr. old grandmother ended up in the hospital with a very contagious disease: c-diff. For those who have served as a caregiver, you know it takes time to resurface after long hours away from the norm. As I considered what to write today, I found photos from the last two weeks and decided to enjoy the memories made in the midst of the saga.

A doctor sent grandma to the hospital late in the afternoon. But earlier that day, Don and I took our granddaughter, Catherine, on a field trip. We picked her up from school, got Chick-fil-A, and went to a jumpy place. She's holding her Brave card which she almost left at school... but remembered to find where she changed clothes after morning play-in-the-sprinkler time.



Catherine was born with a diaphragmatic hernia, spent four months in a NICU, and endured countless surgeries before growing into the thriving child she is today. After playing for hours at the jumpy place, we went to McDonald's. The child that once required a feeding tube ate every drop of ice cream on her own... and danced with grandipa.



Back at our home, she made sure grandipa had all he needed for a cozy nap. Only a granddaughter could pull this off...

As we drove Catherine to her home, my sister called. Grandma had been admitted to the hospital due to A-fib and low blood pressure. But within 48 hours it became clear she had c-diff, an intestinal disorder resulting from too many antibiotics. C-diff is very contagious, thus we had to follow strict protocol while in her room. No eating. No drinking. Yellow marshmallow gowns. And latex gloves.

Five days in and still the yellow gowns. And three men in fluffy, golden attire:

Don, Sam, and my dad.



I got away long enough to spend a night at my mom and dads where their dog Lili smooths the rough places in my soul. Every time I visit, this silky creature jumps on my lap, places a paw on each shoulder, and lays her fuzzy neck across my face, offering her one of a kind canine hug. By the time I drove back home, Grandma had finished seven days in the hospital and was in a private nursing home room in her retirement village.

Lili even went to visit grandma this week and gave her a special hug.

My family has ministered in new ways, helping grandma through the last few weeks. While we've known her mind isn't as sharp as it once was, dealing with dementia 24/7 up close and personal has allowed for a different challenge. I repeated the same conversation at times almost every eight minutes as she repeatedly asked, "Why am I here? What's wrong with me? When can I go home?"

I've answered those questions so many creative, heartfelt ways only to be asked again. Which is why I'm glad I had a chance to share lunch with these girls and tell a story dear to my heart; my red rose God really loves us story that changed my life years ago. I try to tell it every year so I'll remember. Cause I forget. Like grandma. And God has to reassure me over and over.

After hours and days trying to calm grandma's repetitive worries, I wondered how God keeps up with us all. A chorus of concern must rise when our worries exceed our ability to believe and we ask why? and are you sure? yet again. Can you imagine what heaven hears on any given day?

Trying to keep grandma from a wrinkled brow for just two weeks wore me out.

So thanks Shanette, Blake, Anna, and Audrey, for coming over and letting me tell my story again.

It was good to remember after a week fighting to help another not forget.

"God also said to Moses, 'Say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers —the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob —has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, the
name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation." (Ex. 3: 15)

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