iamsecond.com

My alarm rang at 6:21 this morning. Sam was already moving upstairs, so I reset the alarm for 6:25 - four minutes later. I do strange things at that time in the morning, especially when I've slept on the living room floor due to pain.

Once upright, I fixed three packets of oatmeal, toasted a bagel, and set aside a banana before fussing at Sam for wearing really old slider sandals that I knew wouldn't support his feet all day. He leaves school this afternoon and heads straight to the Georgia Tech pool for the high school state swim meet and didn't want to bother with his tennis shoes.

All I could think about was the fact that his ankles would be worn before he swam tonight.  But that's me being the mom who wants to fix everything - especially after he had to go back on antibiotics yesterday for the third time in less than a month.

After he left, I burrowed under the covers on my bed and woke around 9. I almost made coffee after a short stint at my computer but embraced the warmth of my covers again instead. The next time I looked at my clock it was 11:30.  I still feel tired, though, maybe even a little down, struggling to find peace.

It could be medicine changes. I recently increased the medicine that fuels my central nervous system and found that I could climb a  really long set of stairs at our church and still walk with ease. Within an hour, however, pain intensified from my hip down and I've struggled with it all week. My muscles haven't caught up with my nerves yet. And I'm not sure they can.

It could be the mom stress that comes from wanting to make your child better and not being able to. I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to Sam and his health that it frustrates me when I get bogged down by what I can't make right.  I made homemade trail mix last night and cooked something I didn't even know existed: Quinoa.  Why I fixate on shoes that don't support his ankles after grocery shopping and cooking healthier than ever just last night, even I can't figure out today.

Since I have no answers, I'll close buy a sharing a link to a website that's meant a lot to me lately: iamsecond.com. God is first. I am second.  And in that place of surrender,  where we lean not on our own understanding, the peace that passes understanding guards our hearts and gives us what we need for the next hour, the next day, and all the days to come.

And if you have time, watch this video by Scott Hamilton.  One more story. Another transformed life.  A testament to that peace.

Seconds - I Am Second

Now... time to head for the high school state meet.