Three graduation events (in a week) plus a short visit from Nathan (last weekend)disrupted my flow. The coordinators of one event requested that parents write letters to their graduating seniors. As I wrote, I grieved the last several years. The surgeries. The biopsies. The spinal taps. The diagnosis. The chaos. It just wasn't the ideal scenario I would have scripted for my son's high school years.
But who gets the ideal?
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Ps. 46: 10)
When I'm still... I feel my new shoes with my new inserts. I picked them up Wednesday morning. Since the muscles in my feet and ankles don't balance well, the new inserts are elevated on the outside edge so my feet slant inward. My ankles rest easy in them, although my legs and hips are still adjusting
When I pause, I feel my feet, solid, comfortable, angled in a way that allows foundational balance. And I'm excited about how my legs will feel in two weeks, a month, maybe even three months.
And while I know I'll ache when Sam leaves in the fall, truth is, I've felt off kilter as a mom for years. The mom muscles needed in days past aren't viable now. Adapting to the new balance has required pressing in while giving space; staying close while letting go. At times I've felt as wobbly in my once familiar role as I have on my formerly stable legs.
My new inserts remind me to look forward after grieving the past - not because my legs will be as reliable as they were years ago or because my boys will need the mom I used to be. But rather to celebrate new beginnings, a firmer foundation, another God given start for all of us.
For "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." (Ps. 46: 10)
So I will let go and walk in my new shoes. Trusting. Looking up. Reaching for more.
Check out Susan Schreer Davis on Itunes
No comments:
Post a Comment