Some days I enjoy the basics: laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, an episode of The Mentalist. After the last two weeks, creating order in my home served as cheap therapy this afternoon. A week at the beach wore me out. A week moving grandma from the second to the third floor kept me from recovery.
I shouldn't complain about sun and sand but my feet didn't tolerate either well. Observing fun more than participating in it messed with my psyche and I'm still not back to myself. Truth is I'm probably trying to get used to the new normal and just haven't gotten there yet.
I keep thinking if I write about it, put it out there in black and white, then maybe my heart will lighten and the ankles calm. But it's day two on this blog attempt and I just broke for a nap. So I'll post a picture I took it at the end of our first full day of vacation.
We drove through serious rain to reach the panhandle. Downpours kept us indoors for most of that day. But as the sun set, I decided to get my toes in the sand.As I drove from the bay side to the oceans edge, this rainbow grew with the sunset. The photo doesn't do it justice. But I loved the moment.
My arm hurt from driving. My ankles buzzed from too much car vibration. And I had used my red walker for the first time earlier in the day.
When the rainbow grew, it awoke child like wonder in me - especially a rainbow reflected in a sunset. For a moment the heaviness lifted and I chased it till I could capture it in a photo.
"I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life." (Gen.9: 13-15)
By the last day of our trip, I knew I couldn't walk on the beach again. Maybe that will change some day. But after three trips to the waters edge and back, and one short jaunt down the beach, pain scared me away from the sand. So on our last night together, my mom and I sat on a porch area just shy of the beach and talked for over an hour. As we talked, a small sliver of rainbow came and went, shining its colors in a stormy sky. I don't know if you can see it in the photo, but when she took the picture there were actually two small rainbow segments in the background.
(The first is just above the yellow/orange tarp in the middle of the photo. The second, over to the right.) When I write about weeks like this, I wonder if I sound self absorbed. After all, I was at the beach with a great view, family, and plenty to eat. But I know there are others like me, facing slow loss that keeps them from being who they once were. And today, I'm writing for them.
It's not easy. Don't know that it ever will be.
But what amazes me always is how God never fails to remind me He's here in the midst; His promises remain; His faithfulness will prevail.
The rainbow danced in the sky that Friday night. A calm reminder as I watched the ocean from a distance.
And today, I needed to remember.
A few hours after we left the porch with a view, something snapped under my right big toe. It wouldn't bend for days. I can bend it some now, but it's not back to normal. A neurologist referred me to a podiatrist and is wondering if I need more than the insoles the orthopaedic ordered.
Hmmm... rainbows, Susan, remember the rainbows.
Today I'll think about rainbows and heaven and the reality that all this makes sense in His grand order of things. God's character hasn't changed just because my ankles have weakened. Digging deeper and trusting just that is what today is about for me.
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