To Fuse, or Not to Fuse: that's been my question

By mid-summer this year, my right leg grew weaker than specialists understood and I was encouraged to fight for its survival. So I got referrals and made appointments.

Physical therapy. Neurosurgery. Podiatry. Orthopedics.

The neurosurgeon suggested an L4-L5 Spinal Fusion in addition to cleaning out the S-1 nerve root. The podiatrist explained I have a Neuroma under the ball of my right foot causing several issues with my toes. The orthopedist recently discovered my left ankle ligament has loosened again, making it a candidate for a partial ankle reconstruction using a cadaver tendon to replace the existing ligament.

I looked like Sam in the above photo when I left the last appointment.

Through it all, I've worked with Adam, a physical therapist at Physiotherapy Associates, once or twice a week, and am finally convinced I'm building muscle strength.

The right leg is stronger.

I've seen three physical therapists since I fell in Nov' of 09', requiring ankle and back surgery five weeks a part. The first didn't know what to do with me after four weeks because I didn't have the mitochondrial disease diagnosis at that time. The residual numbness didn't make sense to him or anyone else until the muscle biopsy and spinal tap diagnosed weak muscles and unhealthy nerves months later. I tried therapy again six months after but worked with a female who once stated, "I don't know how you walk on this leg." I felt more fragile after my time with her than before I went in.

There's no doubt I was weak. But I've cut back on activity, another year and a half of walking has gone by, and Adam isn't afraid to push my limits. I'm getting used to new pain that sometimes signals progress and sometimes forces a shut down. But after pondering back fusion verses ankle surgery verses exercises in hopes of avoiding both, I'm choosing the latter for now.

My left foot hurts due to unstable ligaments and tendons. The right one is tight and numb almost three years after a ligament reattachment surgery.  My reality? They're never going to be normal. And for now, I value walking on one foot that's not numb.

Accepting there's no perfect fix is a step towards freedom.

I may be forced to go under again. But after years of feeling stuck and stymied by muscle weakness and pain, the progress I've made has me ready to overcome. I'm choosing exercise, diet, and even rest when needed. It's hard for mito patients to balance exercise and rest. But I've become a believer again that exercise helps. Even in small amounts.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion." (Psalm 84: 5-7)

"They go from strength to strength..." I love those words. Have quoted them before. They resonate in my heart today.

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