Friday, June 1, 2012

Red Walkers and Me

Memorial Day Weekend bored me. Don worked every day while I rested my legs. A week of graduation events wore them out and I had no choice but to sit still. So I googled adult walkers.

Walmart offers a decent collection but I haven't gotten the gumption to go for the purchase.  Momentum is slowly building. But since I experience semi-normal days, I struggle to accept I need a walker for things like high school graduation in the Georgia heat. But after melting in the hot sun and naïvely ignoring all signs for extra special handicap parking, it took me days to recover.

Four years ago, a Christian author named Cec Murphy offered me a scholarship to a writer's conference in California. I was thrilled with the opportunity but scared of the travel.  A mother of one of my voice students battled MS but since she was doing well, loaned me her walker. 

I only used it once before entering the airport to fly to San Jose but it eased my walk to the terminal. My legs stiffen when I sit too long, so when we landed, I waited till the plane emptied before trying to exit. I wanted to be inconspicuous.

In San Jose, however, we exited the plane via a large set of stairs onto the tarmac. As I started down,  I saw the aparatus on the concrete below. After maneuvering a few steps, however, I watched as baggage handlers seated a grandma type on my walker as if it was hers.

I couldn't speak; didn't want to speak; didn't want to claim it as my own.

But fortunately for me, a flight attendant who saw me enter the plane knew it was mine. Her proclamation, complete with hand motions, interrupted my thoughts, "That walker belongs to this lady!  That walker belongs to this lady!" As I continued down the stairs, everyone on the tarmac knew it belonged to me. And while it saved me during my time at Mt Hermon, I never quite adjusted to being the handicap girl with the walker.

There are many days I only need a cane. But there are others that I don't do things because I can't survive without extra assistance. So it's time.  It's time for me to buy my own red walker and be at peace with the change. 

So all I'm asking here and now is that if you happen to see me out (with a preferably shiny red one) that you'll look me in the eye and say, "Susan, you look lovely today." Cause chances are my insides will be aflutter and you'll be wondering if I've gotten worse.

It really doesn't mean I'm worse. It just means I'm accepting who I am... and that I might go to a baseball game and the zoo.

And that's some fun I'd like to do.

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan my husband was diagnosed two years ago thru a muscle biopsy searching for what was causing dementia at age 53. He made me read your latest blog saying he feels just like you.he is beginning to move less and less the pain in his feet is too much. We use neuroton and pain patches and , nothing helps any suggestions? Oh and the mito vitamin cocktail.

Unknown said...

Hey! Thanks for reading! Sorry he's having a hard time. I don't have a perfect answer but I can tell you I've tried a lot of different combinations along the way. I wouldn't give up if I were him. Amitriptyline has offered the most long term relief for me but too much made me sleepy. I really think the key is to work with your doc and keep trying... there's a lot of pain options. Nothing perfect... but hopefully more help. But it takes time and lots of trial and error. Hope that helps some. Blessings!